It is the year 2015 and mental illness still isn't a thing that could be talked about without getting concerned glances from "good people" you don't even know that well. People still act like it is the worst kind of illness that could ever happen to you, and if you admit you got it, they just assume it's depression, they automatically treat you like you're a 5 year old lost in the fog, and of course, assure you they're always there for you if you want to talk. "I'm there for you". There is nothing I'm more sick of than this one line. It is just annoying. I would not be friends with someone who is not there for me when I need them. If you feel the need to tell me that, I'm probably not even that close to you to care about your "support", because you don't know me enough to understand Me.

As I mentioned some time ago, I wanted to write a detailed journal of the twenty one pilots tour I was going on. As some of you probably know, three of the four dates I was going to were cancelled after the Paris attacks happened. Despite that, we still proceeded with our trip for concerts, sadly without the concerts. I tried writing as much as I could in my spare time and here are the results. Part 2 probably some time later. Enjoy.

Obligatory plane selfie. We look so dead.

Why are you here! It's school day!

Stairway to heaven.

We look so happy to be there.

Domingo en fuego.

The backflip is coming.

Brendon Urie's lair.

I admit, I am no expert on economy, I have no clue about how the market works, except that taxes are evil and they all steal from us. I know more about the social aspect of politics, such as feminism and LGBTQ+ issues (mostly because those are matters concerning Me directly), and I have some knowledge about racism, classicism and, of course, islamophobia.

Honestly, I am a privileged middle/upper class European white girl. (Thankfully) I am not a straight man, but who am I to even voice my irrelevant opinion about the issues such as racism? Even though I am usually the silent observer, who only likes other people's political rants on Facebook, the shit I have seen during the past few days prompted me to rant a bit myself. I don't really know if my view on the current world situation is the 'right' or 'correct' one. I am not speaking from a political view, rather a personal one.

I have a best friend. My best friend has been my best friend, my soulmate, and possibly the only person I fully trust in this world, for a few years now. My best friend is Pakistani, and she is Muslim, and truly believes in Her religion. She knows Quran and tries to follow it the best She can, she prays, She fasts, She celebrates all the religious holidays. She has lived in the "Muslim" country of United Arab Emirates her entire life, as her family was forced to leave Pakistan due to war. (Sounds familiar yet?) No one I know hates the "Islamic" State more than Her. They contributed greatly to ruining Her country, and honestly? Her entire life. Not only have ISIS threatened UAE, but due to their activities the rate of islamophobia everywhere spiked by 500%.

I always wanted Her to visit me, so I could show Her the hell I live in, go out for the night and party, hit on cute people together and generally have a great time. Now I can't do that, because I am genuinely worried for her life. Even though Poland is not really ISIS' priority, some people (yes, I'm looking at you, the bright and beautiful Nationalist Movement) seem to think everyone, whose skin is not white as milk, no matter if they are Muslim, Hindu or even Christian (not that it's relevant), must be a Terrorist and a Big Threat to the Great and Independent Poland. So basically, I am too scared to invite my best friend to my own country because I fear for her life.

And this is basically the situation of the majority of Muslims all around the world. The threat from white people is almost as big, if not bigger in some places, as the threat from ISIS. And the scariest thing is, it is not only some 14 year old idiots on the Internet screaming about their "national pride". It is becoming more and more real every day.

My city. I drive there to uni every day. Scary.

Ironic thing is that Poland, which was one of the countries most affected by World War II, is slowly starting to resemble Nazi Germany. It's not funny anymore. I no longer laugh at memes about the nationalists, it is beginning to genuinely scare me. Islamophobia is spitting out of the mouths of random people on the Internet, my collagues, my university friends, even my own parents. We are probably on the verge of World War III, and instead of uniting against the common enemy, what do white people do? Blame the innocent, blame the refugees escaping ISIS, blame everyone whose skin is not white, or their religion is not Christianity.

Once again, I would like to quote Rou Reynolds, who is my true inspiration and idol when it comes to politics:

"The idea of community will be something displayed in a museum."

 And it is not even only about the so-called society, but also the media. Take for example the situation of just a few days ago. The first thing coming to mind are the shootings in Paris, are they not? Why wouldn't it? It was the only thing blowing up in every newspaper, radio, and TV station all around the Western world. However, "The day before the Paris attacks, twin suicide bombers struck a southern Beirut suburb, killing at least 43 people, and on Friday a suicide bomber struck a funeral in Iraq, killing at least 21. Both attacks were claimed by the IS group and reported by major media outlets, but generated little interest outside the region, where the turmoil of recent years has made such events seem like a sadly regular occurrence." (source) Why is that? Could it be perhaps... propaganda? Media brainwashing the clueless mob, as it has been for centuries?

Finally, I would like to end this rant with a suggestion for everyone to listen to a song called "Gandhi Mate, Gandhi" by Enter Shikari. Cheers.

Anyone who knows me, also knows what I have devoted my life to (and that is not an understatement). Music, particularly live music, has been my sole and biggest passion for about 8 years now. My first show was Red Hot Chili Peppers when I was only 13 and it was the first time I felt true fatigue, pain and pure happiness. Since then I have been to a few hundred more shows (including one more RHCP one). It has been all kinds of live music performances - stadium concerts for 100,000 people, underground bar gigs for 20 people, and anything in between. Arenas! Beaches! Airports! Dirty basements! As for the genres, I have seen and heard truly everything as well. My taste in music ranges from punk, through post-hardcore, emo, electronica, rap, indie, and alt-rock to the most generic radio pop. I am the kind of person who goes to see Iron Maiden one day and has a great time, only to have the equal amount of fun at an Ellie Goulding show a week later.

What I truly found passion for, however, is travelling for gigs. Considering my favourite artists (or rather their managers) conveniently avoid including Poland when planning tours, I have been forced to travel outside the borders of my homeland to see them. The first time I have done that was 2009, when a 15 year old me begged her parents with tears in her eyes to go see Green Day in Berlin. That was my first Extreme Concert™ experience, as we left in the middle of the night, and then queued all day on the cement ground by the O2 Arena opposite the Berlin Wall. In October.

This happened at that show. I cried for 2 weeks straight.

That show still remains one of the best ones in my life, and it truly ignited a devotion in my very soul.  It intensified in 2013, when I gained a sort of independence, graduated from high school, broke up with my boyfriend and my life motto became "yolo". Two years later, and it turned into an unhealthy (?) obsession. It is possibly, strangely connected to selling my soul to some random guys called Tyler and Josh, also known as twenty one pilots. I no longer go to one show at a time, I follow entire tours, and to way more far away places (side-eyes emoji @ Madison Square Garden, NYC).

My current "important stuff" e-mail folder. Welcome to hell.

In the moment I am writing this, I have tickets for 16 upcoming twenty one pilots shows on three tours. Two of those shows are in America. People often ask me how do I do this? How do I survive? When do I sleep? I originally wanted to address those issues in this post, but it became so long I will probably make a separate guide. To summarise, however, my life has become a neverending road to hell. It is filled with exhaustion, anxiety, and regret when looking at my bank account. But I would not trade it for the world.

I had a class today devoted to speaking and, as we should, we spoke. We spoke about the future and thus, my existential crisis has once again let me know that it is not dead. It is very much alive and kicking, and I still have no idea how to go on with my life, despite recently turning 22 and being at the very end of my university career.

I went to a journalism-profiled class in high school. They promised us professional journalism lessons with Real Life Journalists. We had about three. However, I remember clearly being told by the Real Life Journalist that I have a bright future in that field, after he has read my attempt at an article. He gave me a glimpse of hope that was then shattered by the cruel reality of "get a job!", "do well in university!", "get an internship!", "be a responsible adult!" that I failed one by one.

People find my process of writing peculiar. I never do notes and I rarely erase. In my first year of university we were supposed to hand in outlines to every paragraph we wrote. "What is an outline?", I asked my classmates. I felt their confused stares on me, but I have truly never written an outline. When I am to write an essay, I usually just stare out of the window for half an hour and then start writing from start to finish. And it is so good.

Back to the point though. There has always been this idea in my mind of becoming a professional music journalist, working for such magazines as Rock Sound, Alternative Press or Kerrang!, away from my 'beloved' homeland. "No one will hire a journalist without any kind of experience", they said, so while I was driving home from uni today I thought of making some kind of a portfolio to show off to people. I am also a huge nerd when it comes to forms, tables, customizing, and blogging in general, so A Blog seemed like a great idea. Will I abandon it after like three days? Possible. But hopefully it will become my personal place to rant and spill little particles of my soul into. Enjoy.